Crimefest Crimefest

The Gospel of Tight

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  1. Almir and the Creation of the Universe
  2. Godd Howard and the Holy Child
  3. Yung Lean and the story of Almir's DLC
  4. Prayer to Almir
  5. Crimefest; A holiday of Almir
  6. Gabe Noodle and the Loosest Crew
  7. The Sales; A holiday of Gaben
  8. Prophets and Branches of Tightism
  9. Grumio
  10. Ravenous Bear Cub
  11. Doctor Swifto
  12. BustANutOnTheCoach
  13. Ye Olde Buttcheeks
  14. Ryan Gosling
  15. JayPee
  16. The Final Fuckening

Crimefest is a holiday celebrating the worship of Almir, and the life of Yung Lean. It is a holiday that lasts several weeks in October. During crimefest, Almir showers his worshipers with love and DLC. Almir worshipers and Rabi of the Synagogue of DLC alike worship the god during these weeks. It is one of the most important holidays in the Church of Almir, besides the birth of Yung Lean of course. Festivities occur in major cities and where the influence of Almirism is strong. Many heathens do not know the name of Almir. Crimefest is a time to spread his word of his glory. Prominent members of the Almirism community go door to door spreading the gospel of Almir. They show the pitiful heathens and pagans that Almir is the true god. They show that Yung Lean is the true messiah.

Crimefest is much like The Sales that happen every season. During the sales Gaben speads his sales. During crimefest, Almir spreads his DLC.

During Crimefest, Tightenites sacrafice shekels to the mighty god Almir to appease Yung Lean's black hole. This ceremony is called "The Buying of the DLC". During Crimfest 2015, DLC was brought down to 75% off, so all the jews would spend their shekels on DLC. This way more DLC is sold. DLC is like war-bonds to fight the war on Yung Lean's hole.