Gabe Noodle and the Loosest Crew Gabe Noodle and the Loosest Crew

The Gospel of Tight

Home
  1. Almir and the Creation of the Universe
  2. Godd Howard and the Holy Child
  3. Yung Lean and the story of Almir's DLC
  4. Prayer to Almir
  5. Crimefest; A holiday of Almir
  6. Gabe Noodle and the Loosest Crew
  7. The Sales; A holiday of Gaben
  8. Prophets and Branches of Tightism
  9. Grumio
  10. Ravenous Bear Cub
  11. Doctor Swifto
  12. BustANutOnTheCoach
  13. Ye Olde Buttcheeks
  14. Ryan Gosling
  15. JayPee
  16. The Final Fuckening
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Gabe Noodle is the founder of valve, he is the least tightest person on the planet. A polar opposite to Almir. He is the reason that each season Sales occur. The Sales would be a good thing if he did not abuse the money, but he uses the money he earns to gain power. Instead of using it to patch the Black Hole created by Yung lean, Gaben uses it on food to fill the black hole in his stomach. He uses it to gain power. He is very obese, which makes him very loose. The opposite of being tight. Gaben is worshipped by non-tights. But The Tightest Crew pray to him as well, praying that he will one day see the errors of his ways and then start contributing to Yung Lean's hole. If Gaben didn't eat so much, he'd be tighter and less loose. Gaben is the lord of Obesity, Profit, Good and Bad luck, Locksmithing, Crateloading, Weapons, knives, and hats that are on fire. He used to be lord of Video games as well, before he stopped making video games in 2004 with the release of Half Life 2.

Gaben is not tight at all, because he does not release DLC like Almir. Almir is the tightest because he is a master of DLC. He gets even tighter when he makes 1000 DLC per day during Crimefest. He is super tight. Even though Valves are made to tighten so they stop water flow, Gabe Noodle is the least tightest person on the planet.

Gaben rules a realm called New Jersey, which is the realm that sinners against Almir go when they die. There are Biblical stories of Doctor Swifto going to New Jersey to rescue those damned to New Jersey. Fighting the free to plays and resisting the urge to buy keys. New Jersey is a realm of locks and keys. The keys cost $2.50 each. Doctor Swifto fought many horrors in New Jersey. Even Gaben himself.